Additions to the 2016 Indian Olympics Squad

As we reflect on the Olympic sized hits and misses of the Indian athletes from various sporting disciplines, we must look ahead to the composition of our squad for Rio in 2016. To that end, let’s try and match some of our famous personalities with an Olympic sport they’d be most suited to. These will not only be our best chance for Olympic glory, but will also help kindle interest in these often ignored sports.

• Shah Rukh Khan – With comprehensive losses in all six games, its time for the men’s hockey team to get a dose of the Khan. He’ll be their coach, mentor and entertainer ensuring they get their regular supply of "सत्तर मिनट है तुम्हारे पास ..."

• Sachin Tendulkar – The un-retireable little master will be perfectly suited for the dressage equestrian competition. He will undoubtedly break all the records for longevity set by the 71 year-old Japanese rider Hiroshi Hoketsu. Hamaara Sachin will play on till he crosses the age of 100 because he is really passionate about the sport and is fully committed to it despite being the President of India for the last 25 years.

• Venkatesh Prasad, Ishant Sharma, RP Singh, Munaf Patel, Sreesanth, Praveen Kumar  - 100 metres sprint. They are our best chance to qualify for the finals. Fingers crossed, if the conditions are suitable, some of the deliveries they bowl will be quick enough for one of them to qualify for the final of this hallowed event.

• Deepika Padukone & Priyanka Chopra, supported by Bipasha Basu – Beach volleyball. Enough said.

• Mamta Banerjee & Sonia Gandhi – Syncronised swimming. Strongest prospect for the gold medal. Ever. Audiences and judges will be spellbound by the beautiful harmony of their themed performance of मरो यान मारो . The performance will be greeted by resounding applause as on tries to swim while the other simultaneously tries to sink her.

• Sunny Deol – Wrestling, Weightlifting & Boxing. Just make sure all the competitors and the weights are wearing Balwant Rai masks. Dhai kilo ka haath and that soul shattering scream will surely get us the all the gold medals in these disciplines.

• Salman Khan – Artistic Gymnastics. As the music blares to Dhinka Chika, the shirt artistically slips off. Pure gold. Medal.
  ps- Someone told him before the event that this event is for women only. Salman stared blankly and replied ”एक  बार जो मैंने commitment कर दी ..."

• Rajnikant – Are you kidding me?!? The main purpose of the Olympics is to select the strongest, fastest and fittest athletes for Rajni saar to beat in his own private Olympic games. Mind it.